Dealing With The Unexpected (Part 2): Hitting Pause
I’m almost a week into this whole recovery process, which means five weeks to go until I can start walking again. How exciting!
Week 1 was a solid 6/10. Which isn’t bad considering my circumstances. This week, I am grateful for my family. And I’m especially grateful for my partner, Ben. He’s been cooking for me, carrying me around, and giving me pep talks when I need them (he always knows what to say). We’ve been watching so much Game of Thrones (we are almost done season 5!). I feel like it’s quickly become my form of escapism while I wait for life to resume back to normal. Although I’m not certain I want to return to that normal.
My life has been put on pause - and what am I to do with all of this extra time? Adopt some new hobbies, of course! So I’ve chosen the following: reflection and contemplation. I’m (half) kidding, I swear I am keeping busy in healthy and productive ways. But I will say that all this time on my butt has freed up a little more space in my mind than I would like.
I recently came to the realization that what happened when I broke my leg is a pretty good representation of how I approach most things in life. When I set a goal, I work as hard as I can to get it. I get tunnel vision, and if anything gets in the way, I do my best to get rid of the obstruction.
On my last attempt of the death climb, I went in with the sole intention of getting to the top. At that moment, nothing else mattered. I went in with no fear and full commitment. But it wasn’t enough. When I fell and realized I broke my leg, it felt like I failed. I can’t go to Magic Wood anymore. I can’t do my planned training for at least 6 weeks! I’m going to lose everything I worked so hard for.
So I decided to create a recovery training program. I wanted to follow this plan religiously so that I would come out of this recovery period even stronger. I quickly learned that it’s pretty fricking hard to make gains, let alone train at your maximum when your body is focused on healing a broken bone. I finally decided it was better I take some time off and get back to training when the time felt right.
When you’re passionately working towards a goal, it’s easy to get lost in the grind and ignore everything else going on around you. You get really good at showing up and doing what you need to do, even on the days everything feels pointless and motivation isn’t anywhere to be found. But sometimes a change of pace is necessary for progress.
When we have been training for a while, our bodies adapt to the exercises we are doing, and in order to continue making gains, we must switch up the stimulus. I’ve been training five days a week for many years, and I haven’t allowed myself to rest for more than a few days. I’ve been telling myself for years that if I want to achieve my goals, I need to put in the hours. As many as I can. Hard work means persistence and never taking it easy. I won’t allow myself to celebrate until I get there. But where is there? I don’t even know.
I understand that motivation stems from a discrepancy between the person I am and the person I want to be. Therefore, a certain level of dissatisfaction with ourselves is healthy, but there is such a thing as too much dissatisfaction. The goalpost is always moving farther so we should try to enjoy the ride and be proud of our progress once in a while.
Take a minute to pause and look at the bigger picture instead of only focusing on one aspect — because life is full of surprises and opportunities. Don’t be afraid to take a break or switch things up.
I feel like this broken leg has served as a reminder to pay more attention to the world around me and appreciate every experience - good or bad. I thank my body for all the beatings it has taken over the years and for being my vehicle through life. My body is not invincible and I should take better care of it. Even if that means bailing on climbs that give me a bad feeling. Better to walk away with a damaged ego than a broken limb.
My cat, Bowie, testing out the crutches life.
